Chew the fat on the sofa

[skywarp00]

Mr. Burns: Look at that pig. Stuffing his face with donuts on my time! That's right, keep eating... Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! There is a poison one, isn't there Smithers?

Smithers: Er... no, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers and they consider it murder.

Mr. Burns: Damn their oily hides!

[Richo800]

Ralph: (Squishing an ice cream to his forehead) I'm a unitard!

Ralph: My parents won't let me use scissors.
Miss Hoover: The children have a right to laugh at you, Ralph. These things couldn't cut butter. Now, take out your red crayons.
Ralph: Miss Hoover. I don't have a red crayon.
Miss Hoover: Why not?
Ralph: I ate it.

Miss Hoover: You may now exchange Valentines.
Ralph: Miss Hoover, I glued my head to my shoulder.

Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma!

[Richo800]

I forgot about this one - still chuckling and I read it twenty minutes ago!

[Deamonpainter]

Homer: Boring!
Krusty The Clown: Come on, you snorers! Do something!
Kent Brockman: [bored] Halfback passes to the centre. Back to the wing. Back to the centre. Centre holds it. Holds it. 

[sighs]
Kent Brockman: Holds it.
Foreign-Accented Sports Commentator: [excited] Halfback passes to centre, back to wing, back to centre, centre holds it! Holds it! Holds It!

Announcer: Ed O'Neill is.... Soccer Mummy!
Kid: Go Soccer Mummy! You told me to believe in myself!
Blond Girl: :excited and laughing:
Soccer Mummy: Mmmmmm!
Guy: Uh oh, the professor said not to let him get a boner!

[Zink0ne]

go to bread

[Jack_Daniels08]

Moe: Who woulda though a whale would be so heavy! Oh crap the feds.