Level 3
Stumbled across this website and thought i would share it here. [Link]
Some examples
Client: Can I get you to combine these two slides into one?
Me: Sure, it’s done. Check your mail.
Client: That’s not what I asked for! Why did you do it that way?
Me: There were two slides, now there’s one. What’s the problem?
Client: I wanted you to merge the content!
Me: Then why didn’t you say that? I can’t read your mind.
Client: Why not?
Me: Did you just ask me why I can’t read your mind?
Client: YES!
Me: Right, I’ll send through your invoice now.
Client: Oh, don’t worry about that - I’ve already sent it. Check your email.
Confused, I check my inbox to find an email with a text document attached charging me £800 - the amount I quoted the client.
Me: I still I think I better send an official invoice to you…
Client: What are you talking about? Why would you possibly want to charge me? I’m the one that has put time and effort into managing this project plus I allowed you to design AND code it all - you should feel privileged!
Me: But…
Client: I expect payment within 30 working days
*Phone cuts off*
A client was upset that the animated .gifs from his site weren’t animated when printed out. I tried to explain that it simply wasn’t possible.
Client: Why are you lying to me? I know it’s possible - have you not seen the moving posters and pictures in Harry Potter!?
Following up an online posting for a job. The client offered $20 (I assumed an hour) to manage his tech support team. However…
Client: Okay, so that’s $400 per month and a bonus for performance.
Me: What? I couldn’t even afford my cable and electricity bills on that.
Client: Oh, so you’re one of those foreigners that thinks we should all just pay at American pay rates. No way. If you were American, maybe, but -
Me: I live and was born and raised in Texas. You’re in Illinois, right?
Client: Oh, nevermind, I only hire Filipinos.
Me: I’m actually Filipino too.
Client: I meant poor Filipinos.
Client: Well… we just want the logo to be less corn-related. Can you just make it less corn-like?
Me: I’m sorry? I was under the impression was that this was exactly what you were looking for.
Client: No, no, it is. It is! But we discussed it and we think people would probably be bored by the whole corn part. So let’s make it less corn-related.
Me: I must not be understanding. The product you’re trying to sell is still corn, right?
CLIENT: Yes. But try not to draw to much attention to that.
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