Imagine if you brought up a kid and lets say about when it's around six years old you get told there's a chance that the child might not be yours.
What would you do, leave it at that and carry on as you were or have a test to find out the truth?
It's quite a tough one really, if I was told right now that my kids might not be mine I would still rather not find out for sure because I think finding out they weren't really mine would mess me up badly but I'd still have to be there for them, so I'd be better off not knowing the truth.
But there again all kids should know who their real dads are for their sake.
What do you think?
Legendary_Vicki wrote:Any man can make a baby but only real men can be fathers. Personally i think you're better off not knowing. You love those kids right? You brought them up. What does it matter. Its still you they know as their dad and they love you for it xD
What you are saying is right and from the heart but there's another side to it.
I have a friend who has a son, he isn't his son really but the son has no idea that he isn't his dad, he's 23 now and I think it's a bit late in the day to tell him.
I know who his real dad is and I think he should know too, but it will never be my place to tell him even though I've known him since he was a toddler.
I have lots of respect for my friend for bringing up this kid as his own, he and his girlfriend had a kid together then split up then she got pregnant to another bloke and it didn't work out so my mate being the mug he is took her back and took the baby on as his own only for her to cheat on him again and leave him once more.
The whole family on both sides knows the truth apart from his younger sister (21), the older sister (28) knows but only because I told her (I had to, we have kids together and you can't keep something like that a secret from the mother of your kids) oops......
I totally get what your saying. Although i have to say from personal experience and without meaning to hang out my dirty linen here or whatever. My mother told me when i was 12 there was a possibilty my dad wasn't my biological father and it devastated me. I don't think there is ever a 'right' time to say these thing's and to be quite honest i wish i had never known. If you don't know then your none the wiser and i think it's safe to say what you don't know can't hurt you. Just my 2 cents.
Level 3
Id do the test, and if they were not mine I wouldnt look after them anymore.
There is a line in the ground, if youre pushed past it youre being made a fool of, if a woman was sleeping around and is getting you to raise and pay for kids that are not yours, shes making a fool out of you.
You have to think of your future, you no longer have a future set in stone with the kids, and they no longer have one set in stone with you, you wont have any rights to even visit them if a divorce happens.
I also think it should be a crime for a woman not to tell you that you may not be the dad, I think women should be sent to jail for keeping it secret, I think you should be able to sue to get your money back, and they should be sent to jail for fraud.
Far too many women do it.
As an outsider looking in i can see it from both sides. I think Both I and Fen made a pretty good arguement for both cases. Now without trying to sound like I'm right and you're wrong here but who is it really that is important here? The children who he has brought up for the past 6+ years in my opinion is what should come first and foremost.
He has 2 choices here, he could do the test and live to later regret it. Or he could carry on in with the thought that biologically they are not his. Regardless as to the outcome of this i feel that it would be a shame on those children for him to walk out of their life now. They have known nothing but him from the beginning. To me it's ashame because every child needs a father, biological or not and that bond is still there and the love is still very real.
I can understand why he would be angry, of course he would. I still think that leaving them now would be devastating for everyone involved and it would leave an ever lasting mental scar in those children's lives. It isn't something they would forget either. This is the most important years of their lives where they learn to love and nurture, to take that away now would be a great loss.
Level 7
Warren_Jeeves wrote:
Legendary_Vicki wrote:Any man can make a baby but only real men can be fathers. Personally i think you're better off not knowing. You love those kids right? You brought them up. What does it matter. Its still you they know as their dad and they love you for it xD
What you are saying is right and from the heart but there's another side to it.
I have a friend who has a son, he isn't his son really but the son has no idea that he isn't his dad, he's 23 now and I think it's a bit late in the day to tell him.
I know who his real dad is and I think he should know too, but it will never be my place to tell him even though I've known him since he was a toddler.
I have lots of respect for my friend for bringing up this kid as his own, he and his girlfriend had a kid together then split up then she got pregnant to another bloke and it didn't work out so my mate being the mug he is took her back and took the baby on as his own only for her to cheat on him again and leave him once more.
The whole family on both sides knows the truth apart from his younger sister (21), the older sister (28) knows but only because I told her (I had to, we have kids together and you can't keep something like that a secret from the mother of your kids) oops......
I'm sort of in a similar position the only difference being my ex was pregnant when i met her.
Then when our relationship broke down due to her cheating on me with one of best friends.
I forced her to tell my son the truth that i wasn't his father as i always felt guilty about lying to him & thought he had a right to know.
Though she never wanted to tell him she was willing to keep up the lie so that she wouldn't have to deal with telling him who his real father was.
At the time when i said it admittedly it was out of spite that i made her tell him but she thought she could out do me by telling 2-3 days before his 18th birthday.
My biggest fear was that he wouldn't want anything to do with once he knew.
The irony of the situation being that he doesn't want anything to do with his mum & doesn't care who is real father is & sees me as his father as i was the one who raised him.
He has been living with me since his 18th birthday & which nearly 2 years ago.
In my eyes is my son & always will be.
I treat him the same as i do his sisters who are my kids.
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